phew~
after a few days.. today is the best day man.. hakz.. its the most relaxing day i ever had.. haha
yah.. happy now... much confident and happier.. hakz.. and just now was quite fine the whole thingy actually.. hakz.. yeah~ haha...
k den...
*better~ hakz*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 12:23 AM
YES!!!
im saying now. im back.
i had cried my stress out just now while on the phone wif Mok. I cried the feeling of anger, tired and stress. After 1 year since the time i really cried of anger, i tot im strong enuf now. And today, i did cry again. And im sick of it. I am so tired and exchausted today that i nearly faint just now.
i know why im soo stress always. It is becos of the lack of planning properly and the worrying of things. I focus too much on the items that i forgot the time. I worried too much that if things goes wrong. And also, i keep doing work myself and worrying. That is why im soo stress. yes. That is why, i been thinking alot today. and finally, i came to an understanding that i will really stand to.
From now on, i will really take my full position as the leader. I will really act as a leader, plan the way i shud wif the committee, and assign works. Last time, i always tried to put a strong front infront of people so as not to make them worried. When things are not fine and too much for me, i keep saying its okay and etc becos i wanna have the strong look. But hey... if i am gonna be stress alone, den why bother put the others in the committee rite.
So, its no more me doing all the damn work. I mean it. For so many time, i tried to make everyone happy. Tried to compromise everything wif everyone. But that is what a FRIEND do. BUT now i am a leader of a club. I will do what me and priya think is best for the club. I cant be too focus on someone's feeling and ignore the rest. From now on, im gonna do what i should have done. I will plan out properly, i will assign work and make sure ppl do it, and i will do what i think is best for the club. I had tolerated enuf and now, i will take a full responsibilities as my role of a leader. I realized i had been too lenient as to do works by myself and etc. And that end me up in stresses. but now NO MORE. If i am gonna stress out, the whole committee WILL stress out too. If i am gonna be happy, the whole committee WILL be happy. From now on, everything will be more organised. After a cry just now, i feel more strong and more better. I am more determine now.
And as to people's getting into the things and etc, i dont mind much but there is also quite a limit. Im not saying anyone but in general. This i have to stand strongly to becos this committee will work on a different way. This is new faces, and thus new ways of learning and working. Yes, i would love helps and suggestions but i guess that is as far as it goes. i have to say this if i am ever gonna act as my real role and take control of things. Yes.
I feel much better now. And i feel much happier and motivated. Yes, i still stick by the word i said, i believe in everyone. From now on, i will act as my role properly and try my best to make the best of things.
*i feel re-born*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 11:14 PM
hi bloggyy!!
haiz... had an ass day today...
No no no no... not becos of stressness or worried.. its becos of some fadzley usual pissed off feeling.. haha.. mok know wat i mean.. hehe...
haiz..AGM is next week.. and saying that im not worried is a lie of course.. hakz.. it was my 1st ever organising quite a big event... usually i organise small events.. hakz.. but... it was frustating really. Some people don't know what had been done and is going to be done. It IS going as planned. Schedules for the whole week is done, planning for the whole semester is done, setting up of the groups are done. It IS done and the things are at home now, not that it was not plan out yet. Yet, i was told to do things that i HAD done at home. It is just that i wanna get thing out slowly and not rush everything at once, that will really make me stress and a mess. It isin't my way of working to begin with. I meant it and maybe i should have said it. But saying it was quite pointless. It was pointless when things are not the way that i had planned anyway. haiz.
Yes, now we know our budget. Damn. I didnt mind actually cos i KNOW abit how to work around things. It wasn't like i dont know wat to do and needed to be told always. Except for the LOA thingy, it was my FIRST time to do LOA for people myself. So come on, im learning. And im trying my best to do the best for the club. im not stress of anything. im pissed off most of the time rather den stress. FINE i mean. if people wanna see an organised and real committee, den i will give out EVERYTHING on the next meeting. I believe in this committe. I really do. I know we CAN get work done and definitely can do what we plan. But it is just a new way of working. it is our way of working and doing stuff. It can be better or it may be bad. But i believe we are on the right track cos we always think about what we doing and we believe in it. We didnt cancel things out last minute and we are not too ambitious(so far). We keep ourself busy but not too busy. And of all, we believe in each other and are open in every ways. For that, im sure we can be successful in our own ways. We doesnt need to prove it in words but through our actions. I know i have to be tough and strict and etc, but i dont wanna make the mistake that i had saw too many time... it is that of people began to think you as someone in higher position ONLY. I wanna change that concept. I dont wanna be strict wif people but i wanna be me as well as respected by others. That is my way... hehs~
Even though we are in higher post, i still wanna people to follow me becos of wat i had done for them.. i wanna them to follow me becos they wan to and willing to... i wanna them to follow me becos they respect me and they look up to me.. i wanna them to follow me because they acknowledge my position... and that is the highest position of Leadership. Not by force, displine and brute.. but by commitment, achievement and respect. From wat i feel so far.. people follow me becos of my position, becos of wat i did for them and becos i was look up to to lead them. And that is my journey up to leadership. I can sense respect for each other in them. And honestly, im proud of them. I know that watever i need, seek and want.. it can be done due to the effort put up by everyone. Thanx guys~...
And so... im not stressed out or anything. Its more like worrying. There is a fine line between stress and worried. i am quite happy wif the ways and efforts and initiative of the committee as well as the members. I appreciate all that. It was my fault that i always done things by myself, but then, that is my way as the artist and person. It is the end result that i look forward to. It can be quite frustating but the end result always are great and sensational. Hakz. Of course now i have to open up more to my committee and share wif them that feelings. haha... it will be cool..
Aside from that, i been soo tired. Tired due to trying to adapt to changes. Hakz. But me and priya see that we will go fine. We can do it! haha... ( im just excited now actually)~ haha... im sure that things will work out fine now. Thanx priya for the assurance. haha... i may seem bz.. and i am lar.. but i kinda have my own time to have fun.. haha.. its beginning to get more fun now.. this is where it is really starting to begin.. haha.. This is the start of the committee journey.. for better future?? we believe in it. hakz.
*i am a happpppy.. lalala*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 1:00 AM
dear blog....
can i cry?? i mean this... can i just throw everything else away in this world and just be free once more? I'm just too tired now. I'm just a boy.
Now i am feeling really down and tired. Why? Everyday is a day filled with responsibilties and concentration. Only 2 days school reopen and im quite busy concentrating my studies. I don't really mind that because i have to do well this time round to get a better feeling. And after that, drama. So yah.
In class, i have to concentrate and focus. After dat, my activity whole day. I have a great time now? hmm.. have to tink about that abit~
I been looking at people's blog, see ppl and notice them. Everyone is having fun and great time. I miss all that. I really do. Yes. I DO received ALOT of smses everyday. hakz.. but it was'nt "fadz, wan to hang out after class?" or "fadz, lets go shopping at...". It was "fadz, can i use some ppl..." or "fadz, where ah" or "fadz, u havent finish the" or "fadz, today do wat?" or "fadz, i cant come" or etc lar. And then i have to think again and again and again to compromise and make everyone happy. hmm... can enuf? im just tired. Let me rest for a day at least. Honestly, whenever i am awake, i have to use my brain to think and think for things. haiz.
I wanna have a life. I gotta have a life. This just isint the way i used to live. Now i have to do all this. Its good cos i became more matured and serious when work and more responsible. But... haiz.. maybe i just need someone.
Maybe i visit Yaz'r'us later. See if got suitable gerlfren being on sell. hakz. Juz kidd. wth.
hakz. K den. This is just to let this depressing feeling out. Im so tired. AGM is next week. Hopefully everyting turn out well. Hopefully. and maybe i will get use to all this lar. Hakz. yah i guess... maybe it is just school reopen feeling or just the worried feeling that my event will... turn wrong?*choy*... hakz...
*can someone switch on my "free-time" button again?*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 10:44 PM
yeah yeah!!!
been dancing from 11.30am to arnd 6.30 pm today.... wif a break between ah.. damn tired sia.. at last... we nearly finish the 8 minute of freaking dance.. ahhhhh~~
so.. soo... sooooo... soooo tired!
*ahh...*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 8:15 PM
wahaha...
so yah.. haiz..
finally... STORM is finished!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im loving it.. haha.. we had done the parts oredi and it is quite great lor! haha..
so yah.. den just now got rehearsal.. haiz.. everyday got something on about drama.. hakz... die lar.. soo tired.. hakz..
so yah.. back to just now.. was stressing out abit .. it was actually usual lar for ppl to be stress when something nearing or wat.. so yah.. den after rehearsal.. we go jam an hop... haha..
started off wif nick band playing... Vintage.. haha.. nick end off the show by playing his damn fast solo.. ass.. haha... so yah.. den after dat.. hip hop dance... hakz.. yah... quite cool but abit blend ... haha.. but still.. haha.. the gerls are all chio mah.. hehe.. den.... music started.. haha.. dancing!! hakz...
so yah.. it was great... been dancing alot ah.. den at Jam and hop oso i dance alot sia... hehe.. (yazid, pika and etc was saying that gerls keep looking at me and wanna dance wif me.. wahaha! ;p ... but dunnooo true anot lar...) hehe.. so yah.. hakz... but im kinda shy lar.. last time i dare to go up to any gerl and dance.. but now.. hakz.. dunnooooo why sia... hakz... damn lar.. miss alot of chance.. hehe... *purposely to make yaz jelous.. wahaha!! juz kidd lar bro.. hakz.. at least u got.. erhm... hakz* so yah.. fun lar.. so many ppl there that i know.. so its like dancing wif frens happy2 lar.. hakz.. den the last part.. in the tp mass dance.. i was giving it up cos i FORGOT the dance steps.. wahaha!! den fadly(production crew president) asked me to dance oso.. so yah! haha.. i agreed lar! haha.. quite fun cos we dance anyhow.. hehe... den after dat eat tecno.. haha... reach home arnd 12.30 like dat ar.. hakz..
now so tired.. damn.. 10am got meeting.. den after dat got dance rehearsal.. den after dat go jamming place.. den after dat celebrate ain's bdae........................ ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! see lar.. hakz... damn tired lar!
*life is dance-able*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 12:52 AM
orait.........
now is exactly 1pm when im writing... k..
gonna get ready soon.. meeting harbi and raz at interchange to get some stuff.. den rehearsal at 4pm.. wahlao.....
so many things sehhhhhh..................
hakz... trying to manage..
k.. have to finish DT board and proposal for camp by this week. Den have to get LOA confirmation for DT members oso. Den shopping for stuff is next week Monday. haha.. then tmr got rehearsal for art fest. Den Friday for AGM.. den got jam and hop soon after. Den on Saturday meeting at 10am.. den got rehearsal.. haha........................................................ den sunday got NDP rehearsal........................................................................... yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......... haha... -_-"
so.. wats been happening>>?? hmm..
hanging out and having rehearsals i guess.. haha.. yesterday the committee meeting wif every single represntative from each art club is so fun sia! haha.. damn funny lar they all.. especially Chee Siang from Salvo club.. haha... he keep making stupid comments and den he said "im very dissapointed wif the school" and make cynthia look at him and we all laugh.. haha.. stupid sia.. haha.. so yah.. hakz..
so now.. getting ready.. wanna eat 1st.. haha
and to my fren, khai, CONGRATS FOR YOUR COMING SOON JAMMING AND RECORDING STUDIO!!!! haha.. i confirm will come to check it out k! haha...
*life is.... bzful? haha..*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 1:04 PM
and i cant get u out of my mind...
hakz.. just a continuation from my post title..
soo soo.. been awhile relaxing for now.. so yah.. hakz... i shopped on Friday.. bought arnd 5-6 shirts and 1 jacket... den bought some games, pencil case.. and a black tie!!! haha.. weee~~ haha...
i tink im falling in love~
haha.. wth... sidetrack abit only ah... so yah.. suppose to go out to NDP rehearsal today.. but feeling so tired and malas(lazy).. haha.. cos of the rain ah... and sooo, told my couz to tell the instructor that im sick today.. wahaha... so yah.. hehe...
im proud of my DT members.. haha.. yesterday we had achieved quite a few things from the rehearsal eh.. haha.. weee~ love u guys... hakz
soo, tmr got main committee meeting.. need to discuss stuffs;... den... tuesday got Week 0 briefing for the new semester and new term.. hakz.. great... wednesday rehearsal oso.. haha.. really great.//
so fast oredi year 2.. haiz.. time pass without us realizing it.. hakz..
k lar.. wanna play my guitar.. later den!
*my hair growing longer!! yeah!!!*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 7:50 PM
heloo...
haiz.. something missing... yes...
I MISS THE TAC CAMP OREDI!!! AND THE PEOPLE TOO!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!lol...
it was a
GREAT camp... i enjoyed it very much.. lol
so yah.. on Tuesday/.. came to skool wif my camping bag arnd 9.35am.. den briefing for the camp start.. lol... i, being my nonsensical self.. go all around each group (some i dont even know!!) and make stupid jokes and comments... lol.. its like.. of course camping, if u have different ppl, everyone will feel awkward and etc for start... so... i, being the noisy person.. lol.. started to make noise and make ppl feel comfortable.. i was like, "wat the heck! since everyone here is the main comm and leaders, i might as well be frenly wif everyone!" !! wahaha!! so yah.. haha.. within 1 hr.. i got to know handful of ppl from different arts group.. haha..
so yah.. we started playing games.. im in yello team.. lol.. and as expected.. haha.. yellow team win the game!! wahaha.. lucky for priya, if not she will have to piggy back me 3 time as a forfeit for losing trice in the group!!! haha.. so yah.. den we have lectures.. den we have games.. and so on.. lol.. so yah.. den we just get to know more about each other lar.. haha!! it was oso fun cos we have Drama training session by external trainer and dance lesson oso!! haha... it was great.. hakz.. love it man....
den on wednesday, today, we started off playing ELF.. haha!! fun oso!! especially my group! wahaha!! cos we have to vs 3 others group.. and being wilful and "evil", i represent the group to make alliance wif each group.. so, my group is alliance to group1, 2 and 3 but the other 3 groups are not.. den we plan to crush all of them!! wahaha!! we crazy.. but yalar.. get scrathes from Wanda!! haha.. wth.. we even name ourself "the Champs" being confident that we will win.. haha!!... so yah.. den after dat presentations by each arts group.. den after dat.. Esplanade.. lol.. at Esplanade we visit the concert hall, audi and etc.. and it was like... "woah!" hakz.. and me and Fadly(president of Production Crew) keep joking with others(esp victor.. hehe) and abuse our "authority".. haha!! cos everytime someone said something to us.. we are like.. "excuse me?? are u in any position..." and so on! wahaha!!! we like to joke lar.. haha.. it was great... so yah.. den we have fun lar.. haha
so basically.. both the bus ride to and fro the esplanade there was a noisy boy who is trying to get everyone attention by singing along and play games.. he succeed abit only ah! nabeh...
dats me.. hahaha!!
but really man.. in quite a short time.. 2 days.. i feel close to the main committees from all Arts group.. hakz.. it was great to know them.. it was really fun!! and i feel sad to have to go.. dammit! lol.. now at least DramaTec main committee have made a friendly alliance wif production crew, ICG, MAG, Salvo, Samba, Band, modern dance and choir main committee!! weee~ haha
*i love the camp!!!*
~tata~
ps. i will put the pics when Fadly and Cat send me the pics k!! haha... weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
ps. ps. : thanx priya, mato, mastura and victor for being sporting and all hype up! hakz..!!
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 9:36 PM
haha...
now is oredi 8.30 am... damn.. i havent slept for the whole day...
Sunday... after going to NDP rehearsal.. hehe.. i finally got it!! WOHHOOO!!! hehe... so now try to see ah how eh.. haha!
and den.. go home.. i chat wif a fren.. den soon after.. i started to paint the rest of my living room...
AND FINALLY!!!
ITS DONE!!!
lol!
yeah!! gonna get 200+ bucks.. wee~
hakz....
but sleepy sia.. argh!
have to go to skewl.. 10 am got rehearsal.. hakz..
*life is beautiful*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 8:29 AM
lol...
been painting house lar.... haiyah... by saturday nite finish i tink..
hakz...
hmm... kk.. im feeling bored now..
hakz... chat wif mok often every nite till morning...
go out wif mag and mas and bul often....
hang out often....
playing guitar often....
been eating tecno often....
been filling up forms often....
been sleeping arnd 4am-6am often....
been shitting often... (???? haha)
been just as often as often///
haha.// stupid entry....
*woooot*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 2:21 PM
helloooo~ haha.. alot had been happening these days.. lol.. let me go tru k.. haha..
so yah.. on friday.. i and ishi meet arnd 12+pm... haha... after 1 mth + never hang out wif him.. haha.. it feels great ah.. we are liek laughing and joking and laughing and joking.. so yah.. we applied for few jobs.. haha.. and we got a call back from the 1st company soon after.. and so.. we are required to go to the job the next day for training.. so yah.. haha.. den after we hang out and etc.. i go to skool for AGM rehearsal.. and.. the attendance is ok.. not that good though.. rosy, jared, lewis, emily and kenny not that.. im really disappointed wif 2 of the people.. DAMN disappointed.. so yah.. den we go eat tecno.. and den we go home.. haha.. mag and mas are like crazy oredi.. haha.. wth.. siao ah..
so yah.. next day, Saturday.. haha,.. me and ishi came late for work.. haha.. we reach work arnd 10am.. haha.. 30 min late.. so yah.. den we go training ah.. ishi go another grp.. and i kena at choa chu kang!! lol.. so my teammate is Shen Long and i forget another gerl name.. haha.. so yah.. the company is promoting a charity society.. so we selling charity and raise fund.. damn lar.. ishi drop out within 30min-1hr.. i drop out arnd 3 hrs.. lol.. but i manage to sell 9 tickets that cost 10 bucks each ler!! and the pay.. damn good sia.. 500-800 bucks per week.. yes.. PER WEEK!! lol.. u can reach 2k in 1 mth easily sia.. damn.. but then ah.. i feel ashame ah.. so yah.. i make excuse that my fren are admitted to hospital and boom! im gone.. wahaha! so yah... meet mag.. and its my turn to become crazy.. cos im tired and i cant believe i give up on a very good pay job.. so yah.. haha.. we go to Hougang and meet mas.. haha.. we go to mas fren bdae party.. lol.. so yah.. me and mag are the merry maker.. lol.. we enjoy ourself.. and we get to know mas members more... fyda, dyla and i forget who one more.. haha.. so yah.. anyway..
HAPPY BELATED BDAE FYDA!! haha.. so yah.. had fun playing games, eat, watch movie.. so yah lar.. haha.. they r cool.. hakz..
den when i get to my area, Pasir Ris, my couz Udee ask me to meet him somewhere 1st cos he is wif his members.. lol.. so i met him lar arnd blk 219.. haha.. and i met Yad, Hakim and 1 more i forget who.. lol.. they are funny sia.. haha.. damn cool ah they.. hakz.. so we hang out till 12 am den go home.. haha..
den on Sunday, which is today.. hmm.. i go to
NDP rehearsal!! lol.. YEAH!! haha.. its great lar... Yad's father send us../ so met another udee's member.. shafiq... so yah.. haha.. me, yad, shafiq, udee and Qamar met at AP(Kallang) and took the transport there to Woodland.. the army camp there for rehearsal.. wahlao.. its great sia.. haha.. im in the same group as my couz, Shida, and oso Yad, Group 5.. haha.. thought going to Udee grp but Yad pull me into his grp.. lol.. great lar this guy.. funny... haha.. so yah.. we practise our dance steps.. and den we go to the padang to do formation.. shit.. haha.. i got the most good post lar.. haha.. im centre and most behind of the formation.. and i am the teartail of the arrow(we doing arrow formation today) and i am the head of the arrow at another point.. so yah.. the man in charge said i got the most important role cos the rest have to follow my marking.. wahaha.. and if i wrong.. then all mess up.. so.. wahaha! i tried lar.. when a formation i no need to move i move behind.. and all my centre row follow me and mess up! ;p .. siao ah.. haha.. and... got 2 cute gerls in our grp.. wahaha..! me and Yad wanna take their number ah.. den we thought better and try to act cool.. lol.. and when we going home.. we wanna took the transport.. and before we get up the bus.. one of the cute gerl's friend suddenly said to us "alamak! we not taking the bus lar cos they(the gerls) wanna go to zoo tonite" wahaha!! and we are like shocked ah! haha.. so yah.. nxt week sunday... me and yad planned to take the cute gerls's number.. wahaha!!
so yah.. it was great lar.. haha.. and den after rehearsal.. me, shafiq and yad take kallang mrt back to pasir ris.. and we talk talk talk.. haha.. funny ah they.. Yad.. is like another version of me.. really!! he love playing guitar and his dream is to make music.. and he interested in beat box.. haha.. and he used to be very deliquent but not anymore now.. and now he shy wif gerls, i mean shy to ask stranger for number.. his brudder(close frens) dont let him pierce, tatoo and etc... and he oso funny..wahaha! just like another version of me sia!!! even the brothers part.. lol.. funny ah... haha..
so yah.. a long entry for today.. haha.. so.. tmr gonna paint house and get money.. den after dat tuesday most probably im gonna start Hyatt Hotel back BUT in Banquet.. and if everyting goes well.. Saturday im gonna apply for my motorcycle license and Sunday got another NDP rehearsal.. it was great and fulfilling week.. haha.. looking forward to next week! haha.. yeah!!
*life always rawks!!*
~tata~
Fadz Was Last Hear At; 9:31 PM